Meditations and Experiences

Some amazing things have happened lately. If only a blog entry could communicate all I've experienced. These kids I am teaching have reached me in a way I never thought possible, they have touched my very soul without even trying. The laughs and smiles of the cross country guys, the way they joke around, the way they run up to me with big smiles on their faces when I arrive at practice, the humanity revealed through them. I had a Sophomore on the team come up to me the other day during school and tell me his friend died the night before from an ATV accident. The kid telling me is an extremely goofy kid, so loving, but always wanting to pull pranks and mess around. As he told me, I saw a film of tears well up in his eyes, tears of confusion and grief, for he had no idea how to react. I sat there and stared through open eyes and told him I'm here for him in any way, words that are empty in such circumstances for what could be said to eradicate such grief? It was such an honest and touching moment, and I will always remember it.
The cross country guys had State this past weekend. They got 5th, the best Rockhurst has ever done, and our #1 guy won the race. Incredible. He was ecstatic after, overwhelmed with emotion, and his emotion became everyones. He was giving hugs all around to the dozens of guys that came out to support him and within a flood of tears. At some point in the ecstasy, he came over to me and put his arms around me, laying his head on my shoulder, crying heavy tears of joy. I hugged him back and he did not let go. Such authentic giving, not afraid of anything. It was a moment powerful beyond words, like he was telling me I actually have done something for his life. I felt tears come to my own eyes.
Too many more amazing moments to count. Walking down the hallways I'm always greeted with goofy smiles of guys on the team or guys from class or guys I have subbed for, always wanting to slap hands or exchange silly moments. They are rejuvenating. These kids fuel me with a new energy, and they have no idea they are doing it. So many laughs throughout the day. The other day I asked my class if they had ever heard of Sigmund Freud, and a guy raised his hand and asked "Didn't he get eaten by tigers?" I corrected him saying "No, that is Sigfried and Roy, but close." So many unexpected and amazing moments.

Switching gears. I've been meditating a lot lately. Deepening the ole consciousness. The other day I tried something new. I call it "Meditative Typing." I got on the ground in the half lotus posture and put my typewriter in front of me. I meditated and as insights came, I wrote them down as best I could. The emphasis was on the meditation but the words were coming and asking to be recorded. So I wrote down my meditation experience. I thought I'd share it with you all, if anyone is still reading this.

meditative discourses


i took the liberty of jumping a foot further into this great unknown region we have come to know as 'the world.' all of these phenomena are coming at me in such delightful fashions, appearing and convulsing like waves of a tireless sea, no longer seen in such a firm 'concreteness' as we so often know them. more like images, small illusions, just like those great zen masters of the age informed us. i stare at this wooden beam before me and the designs upon it become passageways to a more 'ethereal' form. the earth grants visions of the universe and i see that we are here together floating in a cosmic unity with no real conclusions about the true nature of all that is. we are a speck in  space, a small point on the great radar screen, and we are always floating, always moving, always flying. why can we no longer see this? what are we missing? the pain in my legs becomes the external reality as a thin beam of light casts itself out expanding to the right and to the left out of sight and pulsating in perfect rhythmic harmony with the sudden jolting pains coursing through my numb legs bent up and tangled in the old lotus position. shadows on the wall become the spokesmen of the other side and move with each breath until they too begin to float with the rhythm. and all the while i felt like i was on the brink of something great, the gleaming truth beyond all the illusions, waiting to present itself to me, the pertinent road warrior of the modern age, running down the road ahead with the gusto of the angels-- excitement fuels my body and excites my spirit in momentary bursts until the illusions overcome once more and send me back down to my relative and insignificant space in the universe. but wait! a vibrating light! coming from the objects in motion right before my eyes! is it speaking to me? how do i follow it? and at last i come to the edge of where the known meets the unknown, the great meeting place of the simple and mundane with the vast beyond, and the hand of the other side stretches forth and reaches its fingers within my skin and grabs tightly upon my soul and pulls with might until it expands into the world beyond and my vision becomes greater as i look over a tireless and vast sea right before my eyes. the material becomes immaterial and i feel my mind twirling and swirling and dancing in union with these o so strange changes before my eyes. i follow this kind invitation until i am transported out of myself and feel for a moment what life is like without a body, yet all the while my body pulsates with enlivening excitement. and just as i feel most alive and most blissful i am thrust back within my body to see the concrete world of experience all around me, the 'normal' way of perceiving the world under the terrible and sad veil of ideas and convictions, closing me off from what i just witnessed.


So that's that. See ya!