Bandcamp

Hello.

One of my favorite students from Rockhurst told me about a website called Bandcamp (no, not like in American Pie) in which you can upload all your music for all to listen. Many prominent artists, including Sufjan Stevens, are big proponents of it. As some of you may know, I have been writing a lot of music over the last year, and have nearly finished an album worth of songs. I am calling the album "Ascent." I figured that the best way to get the music out there, at least for now, is to put it up on the website. I'm still finishing the recordings, so a lot of the songs still have a bunch of time before they go up, but I am satisfied with a handful of them.
I have uploaded one song to Bandcamp, and I want to share it with you all. It's the goofiest song I've ever written. It is called "Another Day." The main instrument is a ukulele, and I add sounds at various times by either banging on various objects on my desk or making strange noises. I think it came out pretty funny and happy. I hope you enjoy- please feel free to send it around, make any comments you want, and even download it to listen to it whenever by going to my bandcamp site, which is seanlawlor.bandcamp.com. And if you are interested, I will be updating Bandcamp regularly with new stuff as it becomes ready, so keep on checking!

Much love amigos!

a response to Justin's question

 (if anyone is reading this, it is a response to the question that Justin put as a comment after my last entry, so read his questions to get the context of what I'm saying.)

All right Justin. I’ve been pondering your questions, and I think I came up with my answer. It’s too long to put in a comment, so I just decided to make a new post out of it. It is also possibly repetitive, but I was working it out in my head as I wrote it, so bear with it.

    My thoughts expressed in the blog entry rest on a dualism between the mind/spirit and the body. Both are intrinsically connected, but the body has far more limitations than the spirit. So they are in connection, yet entirely distinct. It is worth nothing that even though many see these entities as in endless conflict with one another, this needn’t be the case. We may see the body as a vehicle for spiritual liberation, ultimate awareness, that can come far more readily from having a healthy, well-functioning body.
    The type of awareness I describe is awareness of the fullness of reality, beyond our many illusions/sentiments that bar us from such a realization (illusions of separateness, indulgence in anger or lust, etc)--basically, awareness of the universe in its pure form. I put forth the idea in the blog entry that this awareness, when achieved, is carried through death into unity with the vast energy field that is the universe. This unity can only come if we first realize our unity with the cosmos here on earth.
    Your question regards the physical/bodily deterioration of old age that may cause one to lose awareness of such a reality, such unity. Referring back to the dualism between spirit and body, the deterioration of old age is, at its base, physical, and resulting from the inevitable connection between these two entities, spiritual as well. What happens is that awareness is lost because the limited body prevents it from occurring. Yet the spiritual position that one has achieve remains the same, for as the spirit is distinct from the body, it cannot be lowered because of the body’s limitations.
    So the spirit is still at the level of enlightenment in reality, but the physical deterioration of the impermanent matter that is our bodies no longer allows one to recognize the spirit’s elevated status. In death, when physical limitations are no more, the spirit becomes the entire reality, and biological deterioration can no longer prevent its awareness of the fullness of reality, and thus its entry into unity with it. So what I maintain is that there is an absolute hierarchy of spiritual levels we ascend, and though awareness of one’s position in those levels happens in life and will yield much joy and zeal for life, that awareness is not a necessary aspect of one’s position in the hierarchy--one can be at the top of the mountain and, because of physical debilitations, have no idea that he is there. This lack of awareness does not change the fact of his position.
    I believe that one way we can learn about our position amidst these levels is through our dreams. Thus, it is perfectly imaginable that a spiritual man who is losing his memory to Alzheimer’s will still dream of higher matters, for in the dream, he is face to face with his spiritual position. Likewise, in the dream, he may even have a certain awareness of this position, even if it does not carry over into his waking life.
    One way that we can think of these debilitating conditions of old age is as severing ones physical, material connection with the world, the necessary process of attaining spiritual freedom that is fusion with the cosmos. Though these people appear to be suffering and losing their mind, they are really juts completing the process of life and death and moving beyond all physical limitations into a mode of existence that is entirely spiritual.

Just some more ideas on the matter, which I’m sure spawn a thousand more questions. Let me know what you think. Thanks for giving some direction to my thoughts mate!

a reflection on the afterlife

The other day, I watched Clint Eastwood's most recent film Hereafter starring none other than Matt Damon with my roommates and found it fascinating and entralling. The film asks big questions about where we are going and gives few, if any, answers. My thoughts were running wild after, so I sat in my bed and wrote.  Please do not evaluate it in terms of logical consistency/coherency... rather, see it as a collection of ideas grouped together. Take something from it if you like, if not, nothing I can do. Here is what came out:

It is a fascinating enterprise to ponder the afterlife. What is coming? Anything at all? It is truly amazing how so many take the issue so lightly and are so firm in their response. It is one thing to have faith, it is another thing to be narrow-minded.

Sure, it is fruitless to spend too much time speculating—you won’t figure it out, for we are here, not there. And when people have ‘glimpses’ or ‘visions’ of ‘another world,’ how can we know that this world is the world beyond death to which we are heading? We cannot, plain and simple. It would be a far from humble estimation of human ability to think ourselves capable of seeing the next life, if such a thing exists.

Spending a lifetime speculating will remove one from the life we are in the midst of. We must see what is happening. Maybe if we find a way to direct all our attention and energies toward our experience of this world, we will become closer to understanding what may be next, or at least what we ought to do to prepare for it.

My own personal belief, with very little backing other than various spiritualities and rational (or at least quasi-rational) speculation is that the universe is an infinitely vast field of energy, and in death, we become fused with that energy, that is, if we are able to cultivate such a state in this world that allows us to fuse. To elaborate. Right now, and at all moments, this energy field gives rise to consciousness, entirely unique at every moment. In life, we have experiences in which we glimpse it, see its reality around us. We have seen it to such an extent to realize that glimpsing it is connected to openness (an open mind) and vice versa. The nature of this energy field seems to be, at its purest, peace, joy, and tranquility, even in the midst of pain. Therefore, when one’s mind is not at peace, when worries, fears, ideas, and opinions pull one away from tranquility, one cannot recognize the energy field of life present all around.

In death, it is my belief that we have the opportunity to become one with this field, allowing it to become us, no longer bound by limits of mind, body, and world. But if we are to do so, we must cultivate a recognition of the tranquil energy field of life while alive. If we are to see death as the continuation of consciousness into a purer form, we must also see life as such a progression as well, a preparation for the blinding light of purity awaiting. If one reaches the point of death while battling severe worries and fears and anxieties, one will never be able to see the calmness of the energy field on has been invited into, for those fears and anxieties will carry over and become the reality. One will become trapped, possibly never able to escape… for we certainly should not count on the possibility of future lives—this life is our shot, take it or leave it. It is my belief that this notion of being ‘trapped’ amidst fears and worries is what hell must be… the ‘fires’ and ‘demons’ are simply metaphors for these psychological conditions that may become an inescapable reality.

Yet when we are able to perceive the tranquil energy field of life, not consumed by those states which pull us from it (i.e. indulgence in the seven deadly sins, self-loathing), we will be able to, at the point of death, realize that we are becoming part of this great field, not fearing, but smiling. A freedom we cannot comprehend. The Tibetan Book of the Dead is geared toward preparing the soul/consciousness for this moment, that it may be able to transcend these negative energies and achieve purity and freedom.

This is all speculation. And at the core of this optimistic speculation is a look toward this life, here, as you read these words, as you draw your current breath. For only if we experience the limitlessness and freedom of the energy surrounding us can we enter into unity with it after death. Otherwise, we will not even recognize it standing around us, knocking at our door.

I believe drugs/intoxicants can offer a glimpse, but they are not the answer. They can show one one’s true capabilities, but the cultivation of those capabilities is up to the person him/herself. And in the cultivation lies the responsibility. Without cultivating the ability to recognize the pure calmness of the moment and opting to turn to the easy fix with the use of drugs, one will never attain the mental strength necessary to push past barriers by an act of will and open up to the energy field, for such opening requires strength, self-knowledge, confidence, and discipline, four things drugs often take away. The intoxicants may show a new direction, but one must walk that direction and face the obstacles alongside the path. One who turns to drugs has begun to cling to the tranquil state of unity, and at death, this desperate clinging without the aid of such substances will cause one to slowly slip away until this energy is out of reach, out of sight, and one is confronted by all of one’s inner demons with no easy fix to turn to. No way out.

To meditate on the inner demons… to float through them with them and in them… that is true knowledge, true wisdom, the soul prepared for the challenge and opportunity of death.