Where have I been? You may ask this, and I don’t blame you. I have been terrible at keeping up with this “blog.” And why? I love to write, so it shouldn’t be a problem! Well, as it turns out, I love to write by hand, and I see writing on the computer as a task. But I’m doing it now, I just meditated, and I’m in a good, positive state of mind, so let’s go.
I’ve been many places lately. I have gone on 3 retreats in the past 3 weeks and will be going on another in 2 days. I went on a Kairos retreat, something I have not experienced since I was a senior in high school, and I saw students open up to themselves at such a profound and vulnerable level that I was brought continuously to tears. True magnificence shone through these brave seniors as they put all their deepest secrets on the line in front of everyone, and I saw inspiration in their struggles.
I have been playing a lot of guitar. I dig it. Oh ya, I’m giving lessons now too. For the first time in my life. Two days a week. Just started on Monday. It’s an awesome challenge, and I am seeing my role as “teacher” expand as I attempt to communicate what playing the guitar is all about. It is crazy to watch someone who has never picked up a guitar struggle to hold basic chords, and I see myself in him as I try my best to show him the way.
I’ve also been tutoring students in English. I am helping a foreign exchange student from Italy in grammar and essay writing. He has a positive attitude about learning that is rare in American students, and it is a breath of fresh air to see such an enthusiastic young gent.
I applied to eight grad schools for creative writing. I still have not heard back. I am nervous, and also very apprehensive… but excited all the while. Who knows what will happen… it’d be sweet to do writing though, I must say.
This week in my class has been epic. Amazing discussions. I teach one class in a room that can only be described as a dungeon. It is very difficult to teach in such a place and keep the attention of freshmen with a naturally limited attention span, for they feel trapped. Our conversations are usually offly constrained. Well, it was a nice day outside, so I decided that we’ll move class outside. They were stoked. We went outside and sat in a circle and had the best discussion I have had with students in my experience as a teacher. Our topic was the “stream of consciousness” and how our thoughts flow on like a river, always changing, always moving, often out of our control. I explained to them how we can never experience the same state of mind two times and that each moment brings a perspective that is entirely fresh. They were completely on board and expanded my metaphors. One student said “Imagine a stream. You see a lily pad go by floating on the stream. You watch it go, and you remember it. But it moves on, and you can’t get it back. But it stuck out from the rest, so you remember it.” He was making the point that some ideas in our ongoing stream of thought grab our attention like this lily pad, and we find significance in them and remember them. But if we are to hold on to them and cling desperately, we will inevitably suffer, for we are trying to make a dam in the river’s flow. The idea is good, the idea is illuminating, but the stream of thought flows on further, and who is to say what incredible places it may lead to.
I’ve been reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead. It is the Tibetan Buddhist sacred text that prepares the living soul for the “intermediate state” immediately following death in which the soul encounters all of the illusions of reality (Buddhist don’t use the word “soul”, but in our Western mentality, it allows us to make a close enough connection to their far more abstract language describing our inner essence.) Well, most souls are not prepared for death, and in this intermediate state, they encounter negative illusions brought forth by all of the anxieties and pains they have clung to their entire lives. They are sucked back down the vortex in their fear and anger and birthed back into the ongoing cycle of karma, trapped in samsara, reincarnated in our cyclic existence. What the Tibetan Book of the Dead attempts to do is prepare the soul for this intermediate state so that it may transcend beyond the negative illusions trying to bring it down and finally be liberated into union with the meditational deities living in the realm beyond. I figure it’s a good thing to try out.
I gotta say, this year has been great. I’ve learned so much about myself and other people. I’ve connected to High School students in a way I could have never imagined. There is too much to tell… I wish I could find a way to share it all with you. Lately, so many students keep asking me if I’m staying, hoping that I am. It is flattering to hear from them. They are so honest… they tell me that they want me to stay and that they like having me around. My freshmen tell me that they love my class. Today, we were talking about the “muse,” the ancient sources of artistic inspiration, and since I had my guitar in class, I told the class that it was time to summon the muse. I told them to lay down a beat, and a kid started beat-boxing a cool rhythm. I felt the rhythm and started jamming in Bminor blues, spontaneously, randomly. More kids started to get into it. By the time the jam session was coming to a close, most of the kids in class were contributing something to the rhythm, whether it was pounding on desks, making noises, or just moving and flowing with it. We ended and everyone cheered. There was a connection we cultivated that is none other than God’s presence so often unseen. So fun… so fun.
Nine days before spring break. I’m going to San Diego. Hooray!
Inspiration is all around us guys. It is spontaneous, and it takes an effort, a willingness, and openness. You all have it, you just gotta find it in you. I’ve got my ways of finding it, but those aren’t your ways. Life is not about closing off opportunities; it is about freeing them, opening up to them, embracing them. Yes, each moment is an infinite series of opportunities… and each moment is far too magnificent and important to pass them up. Don’t waste away your life, now is not the time for that… now is the time to embrace it all and drink it in. Find your passion! Go get some!
