New Blog!

Hello!

This will likely be my final post on this blog. If you've come here, maybe you're willing to come a little further. Here is the link to my new blog:

seanlawlor.wordpress.com

Hope to update it regularly!
Peace!

Some Poems

Hello!
Thank you for returning here to my blog that I thought I'd never update again.
I decided to return after a few people expressed interest in reading five of my poems that were selected for publishing in the first ever issue of Jolt magazine. I wrote all five in Guatemala, and most (if not all) of them in the last month during the one-month spirituality course I took called the "Moon Course," a real life-changing month to say the least. Anyways, here are the poems. Let me know your thoughts!

Poems Selected for Publishing by Jolt Magazine

By Sean Lawlor

Tikal
Upon the Mayan structures of Tikal,
monkeys howling songs across the Void,
harmonies unsung
calling closer inward,
friends at your side, illuminating
boundless perspectives
of IT.
Grass crackling from below,
gently animal feet crunching the blades
so softly,
the eerie twilight dew
latching onto their toes,
no nonsense can come to be
as the herbs of God and Goddess
are passed down the line of torches,
spindly fingers guided by the puppet strings above,
grasping the jaded mossy limestone
that founds these mythic structures
below my feet.

Motion
singing soft hymns
across the open meadow
I ponder delicate motion
as the sights change before my eyes,
blue I am told,
shades of the Sea and sand,
two brothers
meeting far beyond
the mountaintops,
volcanic lava exploding
upon the town of crimson hue,
that you and I may climb
the hills
and stop the ravage,
fire’s breath
does move upon the tortured Kid,
he limps along the cobblestone,
a road of wondrous
endless
creams.
Said loudly from behind,
a voice of Pleasure’s own,
know that she has many sounds
but still the Only face
that won’t be found
as she unfolds
her mystery
and we,
the Men,
can barely see
that no more will the travels bring
a light to shine, a heart to sing.

Up overlooking the Lake

On casual days
as I drift through the breeze,
the colors behind
my eyelids revealed,
I sail on my ship
to a faraway land
where no man may enter.
But standing up tall
I’m granted a vision
of flying above
the fullest terrain
of flowers in bloom,
of gardens, of groves,
of animals roaming
with humans below;
of lakes and of canyons
and valleys of green,
an aura in motion,
sight of the unseen.
And in my most strange
of dispositions
I wander the clouds,
the heavenly hues
of lilac descent,
divinity—Here!
and see all the hatred,
the lies, the despair,
like jagged roulette wheels
turning the weak,
the ignorant passing
through day’s long lament.
And as I am moved
to the spaces above,
I find all the beauty
so clear and so pure,
the light dancing off
of the crystalline surface
that all mud may settle
in the wellsprings below.

VII
See the crystal
feel the glass
absorb the heat
of falling trees,
Aztecs, Incas, Mayan Priests
adorned in gold
of Deities
who came to Earth
that all may be
within the wheel
to come and See
that falling through
the Mystery
will light the Way
to Purity.

Silent Lamentation

Sometimes I close
my eyes
off from the world
and plug my other senses
with my hand.
I look into the black
abyss
behind the eyelids closed
and see
the geometric tantric waves
of circularity.
They morph into
these blue doubloons
that rocket through the gentle night,
and I am thrust
beyond my pre-
conceptions of my limits.
But here below
the mucky ground
where angels postulate hypotheses
that World is always changing,
turning,
moving down the line,
my Silence holds its mastery
and sings a gentle lullaby
of energy
within the moving Sun.

And this poem was actually selected to be published in February in a different magazine whose theme was “humor.” I wrote it on an airplane to San Diego.

Airplane Cocktail

Small 50mL bottle of Jack Daniels for five dollars.
Medium coffee complementary with the $300 plane ticket.
Two creamers.
Two packets of sugar.
Cup of water, to maintain good level of hydration.
Athenos baked Pita Chips to reduce bite.
Add creamers and sugar to coffee.
Stir for seven seconds.
Sip new concoction.
Settle into warm comfortable caffeine buzz.
When cup allows enough room, add 30mL of Jack.
Sip slowly, carefully.
Get used to the bite, and love it.
Once accustomed, add remainder of bottle.
Stir for seven seconds.
Utilize pita chips and water for particularly savage swallows.
Ignore judgmental passengers staring at you.
Pop in headphones, tune in, and drink.
Enter into harmony with 40,000 feet.

Pushing the limits of your being!!

As you may know, I broke my left kneecap on July 23rd. Ever since, my life has largely been confined to a couch or chair inside my house. I wrote this reflection after seeing Cowboys and Aliens with my older brother, Mike, last week. This discourse was not inspired by the movie, but rather by my getting out of the house after being cooped up for over two weeks.

Here is the idea. I have reflected many times in the past about the important role the body plays in our plight to become all we can be, to attain our greatest potential. I have accepted such ideas so as not to become consumed by the idea that the body is a burden, something holding us back. Rather, the body is a vehicle, our greatest tool toward discovering all we can about ourselves and about the world. We are spiritual beings within bodies, and we are not trapped as so many outdated religions and ideologies attempt to make us believe; rather, we are as free as we are willing to make ourselves, able to roam the world at the best of our physical abilities, and granted the blessing of being able to continually push the limits, drive further, and become stronger, more fit, more able.

Photo courtesy of the great pusher of human limits, Rob Garwitz.
Taken roughly an hour after the accident.

As I reflected about this topic in the past, I saw the issue through a very thin lens—I was healthy, active, and had never sustained an injury preventing me from exercising or moving around easily. Therefore, I excluded many people from my discourse, preferring only to speak of those who have strong working limbs and possess the ability to make them stronger. I often tended to ignore anyone else as ‘weak’ and/or ‘submissive.’ Among those I excluded were the handicapped, and as it turns out, I am currently in a handicapped state, my left leg entirely unusable, deteriorating further each day.

So, now that I am here, do I have no choice but to fall? Do I no longer possess the ability to push my body’s limits, become stronger, more able, and freer? My lazy behavior over the last two weeks since the injury would easily suggest that I no longer possess this ability, that I’m destined to fall, but an insight granted unto me tonight assured me otherwise. Biologically, my body is still as active as it was before the injury—I have simply been choosing to allow it to grow weaker. But it is not dead!

Here is how I understand the issue—each of us has very set limitations at each moment. It is the nature of being human. Think of it in terms of the following image: the human is a circle in the center of a box… all of us are. Though the box can be mistaken for a cage, it need not be so. The human is a dynamic organism in the center of its limitations with unlimited potential for growth. The limitations around us—the edges of the box—though very real, are also dynamic, in motion. Some examples of limitations—cardiovascular limits (how you grow too tired to carry on while running and ‘reach your body’s limit’), intellectual limits (the finite amount you are able to grasp intellectually at a given moment). These two examples, as you very well know, are very dynamic. Continue running and you will be able to run further and faster—your cardiovascular limits expand… continue reading and studying and you will be able to understand complex arguments better—your intellectual limits expand. As these limits expand, your space within the new limitations expands as well (the box surrounding you widens), and you grow to fill that empty space.

It is important to note that the human is connected to the limitations—the circle is connected to the box, not independent of it. Thus, the human possesses the ability to push the limits, slowly but surely. That which exists beyond the limits is infinite space, and that which exists beyond the infinite space (ungraspable by reason) is true freedom—there is no limit to how far the limits of the human can be stretched, and thus no limit to human growth potential. All finite limits are self-imposed, illusory by nature.

Unfortunately, these limits can have the reverse effect to what has just been described, and sadly, the reverse effect is far more common this day and age. The ‘reverse effect’ occurs when the limits actually move inward, when they decrease the space the human occupies and causes it to shrink, to weaken. This occurs when one forgets that one is connected to one’s limits and possesses the innate ability to push those limits. As the limits move inward, the effects are disastrous—one becomes lazy with no concern for one’s body or one’s health, preferring not to think about betterment in the future but instead concerning oneself with instantaneous pleasures, satisfying cravings. One no longer has the space to possess self-esteem, for the limits of one’s being have closed in and are suffocating the person. Resulting, one becomes more apt to depression and addiction to false forms of happiness, for true happiness awaits in the space beyond one’s limits. Drugs and alcohol may temporarily remind these people of what life beyond their limits is like, yet they will always come back down, and their addiction further blinds them from the fact that within themselves is the ability to push their limits and grow stronger—they have the power, they hold the key. But it is the tendency of those who suffer from the ‘reverse effect’ to submit, to give up and become just another number, a mere sheep amidst the flock.

Is it ever too late to change the limits’ direction of motion? I cannot know, but I do not believe it is. I was pushing stronger than ever before, moving outward into that infinite space at a rapid rate, and then my injury struck, and since, I have been allowing my limitations to move inward, to suffocate me to the point at which I have begun to prefer great laziness to any attempt at pushing my now more limited abilities, convincing myself that the rest is speeding up my recovery. I just accepted that this is my situation, that I must sit here in this chair or on this couch all day… no other option.

Tonight, when Mike helped me get out, I realized that this is not true. Breaking my knee changed a lot, and I need to recognize those changes. For what the event changed is the location of my limitations. I had grown used to my limits before the accident, very aware of how much my body could handle, but post-accident, the new limits have become entirely foreign to me. Thus, I have allowed them to move in. But in reality, I have not really attempted to find them. I’ve moved around a bit, but when I do, I just think about getting back to my chair. No longer will this be my mentality.

Sure, I cannot do much of what I did before. I cannot go out and run. I cannot go to the gym. But I can go outside on my crutches and crutch around until I’m exhausted. Some speed work, maybe. Yes, then I will see where my limits are. And it is true—knowing oneself is knowing one’s limits. That’s why knowing yourself is a moment-to-moment challenge—cause your limits are always changing!

So I can push my new limits, I simply must be creative in finding a way to do so. Therefore, become stronger, pushing yourself toward greater freedom through the use of the vehicle that is our body, does not exclude the handicapped. The handicapped, rather, must find a way to move around the excuses that are so easy to fall under and push themselves physically in any way they can. Then, they push their own limits, open up more space for growth, and move closer to recognizing freedom. Limits are entirely relative, and the self-aware person understands his or her own limits, not matter the facts of one’s situation.

One may say that the idea of the human being possessing the ability to push its limits to no end is a dangerous idea, an idea sure to fill one with hubris. On the contrary, I see it as a humble practice, for one can only grow and move forward if one first recognizes how limited one truly is and how much exists beyond one’s self (that is to say one’s limitations, for one’s limits are equivalent to the borders of the self).

It must be known that a life of pushing the limits is not an easy life. Out there, in the infinite space, lies much pain and suffering. You will make mistakes, overestimate your limits, and fall, just as I have experienced. Yes, you will find much pain, but in the pain, you will discover a very important truth: that there is no greater fuel for pushing the limits than pain itself. Back to our cardio example—you cannot and will not get in better shape unless you push the limits of your ability, and you cannot and will not push those limits unless you feel pain. The pain telling you to stop, to submit, to give in. But you must listen to your self, noble and wise, calmly telling you to endure, to push through the pain, and therefore propel yourself closer to true freedom. It is an ongoing, all-inclusive process, but one that must be taken seriously, for it is Life itself. Life, true Life, as we have forgotten it to be, exists out there in the open space, and all pain is worth enduring in order to find it. 

Forty Days and Forty Nights

A new song! With Biblically inspired lyrics. Hope you enjoy! And please leave your comments/thoughts, whether positive or negative!

dark tunnel of light

Hey there. I just finished a new song today that I put a lot of time and energy into. It isn't an easy, passerby listening song... it's one you really have to listen to in order to get it. But check it out if your interested, and I hope you enjoy it!

Bandcamp

Hello.

One of my favorite students from Rockhurst told me about a website called Bandcamp (no, not like in American Pie) in which you can upload all your music for all to listen. Many prominent artists, including Sufjan Stevens, are big proponents of it. As some of you may know, I have been writing a lot of music over the last year, and have nearly finished an album worth of songs. I am calling the album "Ascent." I figured that the best way to get the music out there, at least for now, is to put it up on the website. I'm still finishing the recordings, so a lot of the songs still have a bunch of time before they go up, but I am satisfied with a handful of them.
I have uploaded one song to Bandcamp, and I want to share it with you all. It's the goofiest song I've ever written. It is called "Another Day." The main instrument is a ukulele, and I add sounds at various times by either banging on various objects on my desk or making strange noises. I think it came out pretty funny and happy. I hope you enjoy- please feel free to send it around, make any comments you want, and even download it to listen to it whenever by going to my bandcamp site, which is seanlawlor.bandcamp.com. And if you are interested, I will be updating Bandcamp regularly with new stuff as it becomes ready, so keep on checking!

Much love amigos!

a response to Justin's question

 (if anyone is reading this, it is a response to the question that Justin put as a comment after my last entry, so read his questions to get the context of what I'm saying.)

All right Justin. I’ve been pondering your questions, and I think I came up with my answer. It’s too long to put in a comment, so I just decided to make a new post out of it. It is also possibly repetitive, but I was working it out in my head as I wrote it, so bear with it.

    My thoughts expressed in the blog entry rest on a dualism between the mind/spirit and the body. Both are intrinsically connected, but the body has far more limitations than the spirit. So they are in connection, yet entirely distinct. It is worth nothing that even though many see these entities as in endless conflict with one another, this needn’t be the case. We may see the body as a vehicle for spiritual liberation, ultimate awareness, that can come far more readily from having a healthy, well-functioning body.
    The type of awareness I describe is awareness of the fullness of reality, beyond our many illusions/sentiments that bar us from such a realization (illusions of separateness, indulgence in anger or lust, etc)--basically, awareness of the universe in its pure form. I put forth the idea in the blog entry that this awareness, when achieved, is carried through death into unity with the vast energy field that is the universe. This unity can only come if we first realize our unity with the cosmos here on earth.
    Your question regards the physical/bodily deterioration of old age that may cause one to lose awareness of such a reality, such unity. Referring back to the dualism between spirit and body, the deterioration of old age is, at its base, physical, and resulting from the inevitable connection between these two entities, spiritual as well. What happens is that awareness is lost because the limited body prevents it from occurring. Yet the spiritual position that one has achieve remains the same, for as the spirit is distinct from the body, it cannot be lowered because of the body’s limitations.
    So the spirit is still at the level of enlightenment in reality, but the physical deterioration of the impermanent matter that is our bodies no longer allows one to recognize the spirit’s elevated status. In death, when physical limitations are no more, the spirit becomes the entire reality, and biological deterioration can no longer prevent its awareness of the fullness of reality, and thus its entry into unity with it. So what I maintain is that there is an absolute hierarchy of spiritual levels we ascend, and though awareness of one’s position in those levels happens in life and will yield much joy and zeal for life, that awareness is not a necessary aspect of one’s position in the hierarchy--one can be at the top of the mountain and, because of physical debilitations, have no idea that he is there. This lack of awareness does not change the fact of his position.
    I believe that one way we can learn about our position amidst these levels is through our dreams. Thus, it is perfectly imaginable that a spiritual man who is losing his memory to Alzheimer’s will still dream of higher matters, for in the dream, he is face to face with his spiritual position. Likewise, in the dream, he may even have a certain awareness of this position, even if it does not carry over into his waking life.
    One way that we can think of these debilitating conditions of old age is as severing ones physical, material connection with the world, the necessary process of attaining spiritual freedom that is fusion with the cosmos. Though these people appear to be suffering and losing their mind, they are really juts completing the process of life and death and moving beyond all physical limitations into a mode of existence that is entirely spiritual.

Just some more ideas on the matter, which I’m sure spawn a thousand more questions. Let me know what you think. Thanks for giving some direction to my thoughts mate!